gift guide no. 4

We all have that friend who’s really weird but interesting (you may have more than one). Here are some gifts that are a tad bit off, but not off-putting, just like them.

For $5 and under

Not only is this pure beeswax mouse candle completely adorable, it’s also hand-carved. A mini-masterpiece that’s almost too sweet to burn.

Is this morbid? Yes. Creepy? Mos def. But Baby Doll Soap is exactly what everyone’s shower needs (available in an assortment of colors).

Because everything’s better when it’s on a weird scale, check Poe shrunk in a miniature book of “The Raven.”

For $15 and under

Make baking so hardcore with a “table saw” cake cutter.

Like dentures in your glass, but not as gross – “frozen smiles” ice cube tray.

Bring out evil laughter when you gift the Laboratory Flower Vases. Being a mad scientist never looked so pretty.

For $25 and under

Ever wanted to tell your friend, “Your the kind of person who would punch someone with a coffee cup”? Then the “fisticup” brass knuckle mug is exactly what you need.

It’s a pretty pink furry flocked skull! Is any other explanation needed?

The “washboard” necktie is a metal tie you wear and play with included thimbles. Teal for the person wearing it, totes annoying for everyone else.

For those who are willing to drop a lot of cash

Yes. That is a gold necklace molded in the shape of a retainer. Weirdly interesting enough?

the mysterious Mr. Gorey

Edward Gorey was a writer and illustrator with a penchant for fur coats, cats, ballet, tennis shoes and macabre Edwardian settings.

He illustrated book covers  and spot illustrations for Doubleday Anchor early in his career, and later illustrated his own books. A favorite is “The Gashlycrumb Tinies,” the alphabetical telling of 26 children’s deaths with illustrated rhymes.

His animation for PBS’s “Mystery!” brought him even more attention.

If you like the surreal, gothic or kooky, then you should def check out Mr. Gorey’s fabulousity.

daily dose of morbidity

Need something to tickle your dark funny bone? Check out the Avenging Unicorn Play Set. Cause who doesn’t want to see a unicorn impale a mime?

BTW were you wondering why it’s “unicorn” and not “unihorn”? I know I was. Turns out “cornu” is Latin for “horn.” And now you know!

Garfunkel and Oates

Garfunkel and Oates are Riki Lindhome and Katie Micucci. The two actress/singers spread their wicked humor and innocent sound in the growing genre of comedy folk music. The duo plays up the contrast between their naive appearance and decidedly NSFW lyrics. A perfect blend of civility and cruelty – Garfunkel and Oates sing what you what you’re really thinking. The recently released their first EP, “Music Songs,” on iTunes.

Below is their most PG song. “Present Face” is a Christmas themed ode to unwanted gifts.

Vampire Ex

My friend recently dumped her boy-toy. From our knowledge of The Lost Boys and Twilight,  we concluded he was a vampire. So that you can avoid the misfortune of dating an undead blood-sucker, I have listed warning signs below.

If he’s very strong, fast and skilled at combat, without the typical  jock attitude,

if he uses old fashioned phrases and SAT words in everyday conversation,

if he hasn’t really changed even though you’ve known him for years,

if he has a European accent, but he says he’s from South Carolina,

if you had to invite him to come through the door,

if he likes taking risks, but doesn’t want you to,

if spending money means nothing to him,

if his eyes change colors with his mood,

if he likes biting your arms and neck,

or if he’s pale and avoids the sun,

then he’s probably a vampire. Break it off quickly, or he’ll protect (stalk) you forever. The only cure for unwanted attention from a vamp is to befriend a werewolf. I don’t know any right now, but when I find one, I’ll let you know.

These marvelous photos are by Vicky. Thanks, ducks!

The Pretty & the Plain

If you’re a JJ Heller fan, then you know how terribly behind I am on this. I just discovered her a few days ago when the cover art on her 2007 cd “The Pretty & the Plain” caught my eye.

I know, I know – don’t judge a book by its cover, but sometimes I can be so superficial.This time my superficiality was a good thing. Her voice has the folksie kind of quality I love and the lyrics are really powerful.

Give the video a listen for one of my favorite songs of hers.

Saturday Site – Altered Books

The focus today? Altered books.

The practice of altering books can take many different forms, but the purpose of this site is to “find poems in the pages by the process of obliteration.” Beautiful, right? This page focuses on the art created by its collaboraters while also offering links to other pages of altered books.

I love looking at patterns in the words of books and these works of art highlight this poetry with markers, paper cutouts and crayons.

Downsides: Ummm, I can’t really think of any (I might have to take this section off ) I suppose purists might say they are defacing the books, but I prefer to see it as liberating the greater message hidden within.

Saturday Site – Musicovery.com

I’ve decided to profile a website, page or blog I frequent every Saturday. For the inaugural post in the series I’m reviewing musicovery.com.

Musicovery is a music site like pandora, but more fun. You can casually pick want kind of music you want to listen to, while pinpointing your mood on their chart from dark to positive and from energetic to calm. You can also set the tempo of the musice with the dance tab. If you’re really picky, you  can choose specific decades and genres or create a free account featuring your favorite songs and artists.

After you pick your mood, musicovery spins a web of songs you’ll love. Because it’s free, you do have to deal with commercials, but nothing too trying. There’s also a great feature  – Discovery – where you can choose to only listen to new and rare music. This is a great way to discover the indie beats everyone will ask you about.

Although I’m a PC, if you have a mac, you can download musicovery for your itunes, which sounds awesome.

Downsides are: other than there preference for macs, pretty much nothing I’ve seen.

what dreams are made of

I’m always grabbing images from the web that I like. I was killing time and decided to put them together into a kind of dreamscape.

In other news, I am a feature writing intern for SAHMAnswers.com (yay me!). It’s an unpaid, but at least I get the experience. I submitted my first story today. If it gets published, I’ll post a link. If not, I’ll post it here.

book cover dos – valentine’s day

imaginary book cover for a one page short story

This is another pseudo cover. This story was a short exercise I wrote for a fiction writing class a while ago:

St. Valentine’s Day

It was their fourth date. Fifth in Evan’s mind, counting the half-hour spent at a coffee shop after class. One date too many in Natalie’s mind as she stared at the strips of rare steak covering his salad.

His fork carried a chunk of red meat to his mouth, dripping dressing down his chin. She drank from her water glass, two slices of lemon, no ice.

“You were right,” Evan said with his mouth full. His eyes were Oreos with the cream squished out.

Natalie pointed to the corner of her mouth.

“About what?”

He wiped his mouth.

“Salads can be good sometimes.”

She looked at the crushed crouton dropped on the table. Evan swished Dr. Pepper around his teeth.

“Yes.”

She tore a piece of lettuce with her soupspoon.

“You aren’t eating. Don’t you feel good?”

Natalie swallowed the tortured leaf. He took another mouthful.

Evan’s eyes were chocolate-iced custard-filled doughnuts. She looked back at the crouton.

“You know what I was thinking.” He flicked the crouton in her lap. “Natalie?”

“Hmm.”

“I was thinking this Friday we could go to – ”

“Evan.”

“What?”

Natalie picked up the crouton and dropped it in her water glass. He followed her actions. Their eyes met.

“I don’t want to see you.”

She inhaled three times. Evan breathed once.

“What?”

“I don’t want to go out with you.”

“On Friday?” His eyes were espresso with a ring of foam. Evan inhaled three times. Natalie breathed once.

“Yes.” The soggy crouton sank. “Saturday would be better.”

He raised a piece of red meat to his mouth, dripping dressing down his chin.